"Ok, I'm in front of the bar. I'm wearing pink and my stomach is hanging out. You can't miss me."

Pink. The new black. No, I'm not being funny. Where do I start with this collection of badness?

This women stands alone, waiting for a bouncer to feel bad for her and not charge her the cover. She's having the"cover conversation" on her cell. (You know the one that says to the world "I have friends. I swear. I'm talking to them right now. Really!" But actually you're listening to your voicemail prompts.)

The ripped pink top was cool. And not too long ago. Roughly 10-12 years ago during the hammer pants era. They were worn by both men and women. Typically not with a white, poorly studded belt and matching shoes. But with paint splattered pants made of jersey cotton. So at least she is decades ahead of some of the others we spotted.

None the less, we are once again stopped in the middle of the street taking pictures of someone in the group. Only to later crop them out and zoom in on another "at least dress for your weight" clueless, bystander in the back ground.

How many words does it take to get the bottom of this fashion disaster?

One of these may look familiar to you. We are picking on the other one now.

The striped, sleeveless mock turtle neck sweater.

First, no article of clothing should take that many adjectives to describe it. Second, if it does, it's probably a good sign you shouldn't be wearing it. Third, if you do, at least hold your shoulders back and try to pull it off!

JEM!!!

Ahh... the waitress. This masterpiece seems to be constructed with a piece of fabric from the clearance bin at Joanne Fabric. This would have been fine, had she not simply put it over her head and cut a HUGE whole for her slender body. Though it looks like it was falling off, she had a spiffy little belt to hold it together. He electric blue bra strap matched her plastic earrings. Nice.

Next the white boots... AGAIN! Did I miss the fashion alert convincing people these were not merely part of a Jem and the Holograms Halloween costume, but should be a staple in every hipsters closet? I'm sure they were a "find" at a vintage clothing store downtown. You know? The kind that charged you $200 for those boots someone else wore 25 years ago.

"1 Mississippi, 2 Mississippi.. HAVE YOU CHANGED YET?"

As our night progressed in Seattle, the fashion did not. There are a number of things wrong with this outfit.

Perhaps she went to the gym, didn't have time to change her bra so she threw on a (potentially) cool shirt and forgot to take off her weight lifting belt off. If that's the case I will forgive her. But something tells me she tried on several hundred outfits before leaving home and decided this was the look she would go with. Sad really.

The poorly done tattoo takes away from the horridness of this ensemble, if only for a second. But not long enough to forget that belts were meant for belt loops and sports bras for exercising.

Who died and made you the fashion queen you ask? Well, I'm not too sure but hopefully her outfit will take a plunge and refuse to be worn all at the same time ever again.

Scrunchman

In the eighties a small piece of elastic was covered in fabric and the scrunchie was born. This trend was a hit with females of all ages. Most have since abandoned this fad and moved on to less obvious forms of bundling the hair. Ponytail holders and "no pull" elastic bands have taken over and are much for acceptable for both male and female.

This gentleman apparently said to him self before breezing out the door " It may get a bit warm at the restaurant, I should grab a scrunchie just in case." He apparently didn't get the memo. Had I had a few more beers in me I would have told him. Female age 6 with scrunchie=cute. Male of any age with scrunchie=please have someone do a once over before you leave the house to remind you it's 2005 and you're a MAN!

Another night in P-Town... With White Snake!

"...in the still of the night I hear the wolf howl honey sneaking around your door..."

Although this picture is a bit dark, you can't avoid the chilling sight of the shiny white boots. He was surely ready to head up the White Snake Fan Club reunion party!

"...hear me sneakin round your door in the still of the night ain nothin gonna stop me now..."